so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
