good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
