I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
