Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
