theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
