smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
