Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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