I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's never too late to be topless.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Your topless pictures make me question reality
don't judge my taste in strippers
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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