remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
