Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
