My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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