I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
