Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
