I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
