lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
