looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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