My cat gives me a boner
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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