i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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