the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
