drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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