i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
