i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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