I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't turn off my feet"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
