the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
