About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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