you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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