the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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