sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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