Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
