i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
