could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
