my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
