my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
