I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
