i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
