I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
