you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
