Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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