Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
