We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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