yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
