So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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