Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
