Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
