She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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