You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
