OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
