he was CRYING into my vagina
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I need a burrito and a hug.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
