Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
