im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
