So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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