She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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