Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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