i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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